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Counselor’s Corner

This Week’s Topic: Agree to Disagree


It’s the time of year when political discussions can get rather heated.

People are passionate about their political beliefs, and are just as passionately convinced that they have the only possible reasonable view, and everyone else is an idiot. Needless to say, this does not always lead to civilized discourse.

Learning how to disagree tactfully and pleasantly is a valuable life skill, and the political homestretch is the perfect place to hone this ability. Certainly a college campus should be a place where we can discuss political views and insights freely.

Controversy can be a mind-stretcher. However, it is not the time for a free-for-all that degenerates into verbal abuse.

The first step in having a reasonable conversation with someone with whom you disagree is to be willing to listen. If you are not willing, go home and chat with yourself in the mirror or write in your journal.

Accept the idea that the other person has a right to his or her views – that’s the joy of living in a free country. Ask questions and try to be sure you actually understand the other person’s viewpoint before engaging in a debate.

True debate is a wonderful means for sharpening your critical thinking skills and your ability to articulate your ideas, both of which are desirable outcomes of a college education. In a true debate, the subject matter is front and center.

You focus on errors in the other person’s factual knowledge or logic, not on flaws in his or her personality. Saying, “I disagree” is very different from saying, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Don’t characterize the person (“You aren’t thinking logically!”) – characterize the ideas (“I don’t believe that we can draw that conclusion from the facts.”).

If you believe your partner in conversation is becoming verbally abusive, don’t escalate the argument. Simply say, “I’d like to talk about this with you, but I don’t want to be personally attacked.”

If it doesn’t stop, detach yourself from the situation. Also, you may want to choose your discussion partners carefully.

There is no point in having the same argument 50 times with old Uncle Alvin, who hasn’t changed his mind since the Depression.