They drove 30 hours, some of it through a snowstorm that shut down the highway, to bring us a message. Nick, Will, John, and Matt, recent graduates of William and Mary College in Virginia, have logged more than 21,000 miles in an RV since September. As the National Tour of NO MORE, the National Organization for Men’s Outreach for Rape Education, they have traveled to colleges across the country to talk to men about how they can help a sexual assault survivor, and how they can be positive forces in the fight to end rape.

These four young men are both ordinary and extraordinary. They are ordinary in the sense that they spent their freshman and sophomore years at college without a clue about sexual assault. It was an issue that simply didn’t register with them. Sure, rape is a bad thing, they thought, but what does it have to do with me? As campus leaders (an athletic team captain, an Interfraternity Council President, a rugby player, a fraternity founder) they were approached to become members of William and Mary’s “One in Four” Group, a men’s organization whose name comes from the disturbing fact that one in every four college women is a survivor of rape or attempted rape. They were flattered to be asked to take on an additional leadership role, but they all felt that they were too busy (and frankly, not that interested). Two things changed their minds: seeing “The Men’s Program: How to Help A Sexual Assault Survivor: What Men Can Do,” and being told that One in Four membership was a two-hour a week commitment that could have a major impact.

I had the privilege of spending some time talking to Nick, Will, John, and Matt last week when they came to UTM. None of them ever thought, three or four years ago, that they would be spending their post-college year traveling the country in an RV together, giving presentations at places like the Air Force Academy, Utah State College, and conferences in California and in Florida, talking about rape. And yet here they were, these extraordinary young men, speaking to our fraternity men and our male athletes and a mixed group of men and women with the confidence and ease of maturity and practice. They know their stuff. These guys tell college men that they can learn how to help the women in their life through the recovery process if their friends should be unfortunate enough to be victimized. They speak frankly about drinking. They don’t pretend to be angels. One of them talked about how he got so drunk a friend was able to talk him into consenting to get hit in the face – the alcohol made it seem like a funny dare. It wasn’t so funny the next day when he woke up with a big black eye. It made him understand, from the inside out, how drinking can cause people to make decisions without a thought for the consequences, which can be disastrous.

These men speak from experience about how difficult it is to tell a friend that it is not cool to disrespect women. As they became involved as peer educators in college, they saw even more clearly that men have to take a stand against rape and they need some information and understanding so they can do just that. Most men don’t want to hurt the women in their life – in fact, they want to protect them from harm. Using a gritty police training video, the guys help men understand that rape is never the victim’s fault (no matter how poor her judgment may have been) and that a woman’s compliance with a man’s sexual activities may mean that she is intimidated or has “frozen up” with fear and confusion, not that she is consenting. They give some common-sense advice about how a guy can check it out to know whether or not his partner is okay with what is going on.

After this year, these guys are moving on to the rest of their lives. They are going to law school, to medical school, to a consulting job, and to a role as a professional educator. They will be scattered all over the country. I can’t help but believe that the world will have a better lawyer, doctor, consultant, and educator because these men dedicated a few hours a week in college and a year after college to helping other men tune in to the pain and suffering of rape survivors and take a positive stand to do something about it. The motto of SABER, our UTM sexual assault prevention group, is “Respect Each Other, Protect Each Other.” Thanks to Matt, John, Will, and Nick, several hundred UT Martin students now understand a little better just how to do that.